Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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