so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
