Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i think i just lost a toe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
