There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He better not be in your backpack
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
