Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
