you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
