All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
