a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
