I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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