Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
