Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They took my balls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
