i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
