I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
