don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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