I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
