he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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