I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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