i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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