Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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