Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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