Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
