Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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