I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
