I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
