You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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