So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
