I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
