I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
