I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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