Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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