it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
