so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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