Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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