saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
