found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to calm my uterus...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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