I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
