i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
