I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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