Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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