Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
