I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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