i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
