I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MIDGETS
????
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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