3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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