Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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