well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
