things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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