I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
