Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
