yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
