Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize