i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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