The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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