my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
tell me about the eggs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
