my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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