3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
