I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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