my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize