i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
