WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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