I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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