just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
