Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
