do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
