First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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