it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
