he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
