What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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