you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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