I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
