I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...