I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive